"Get Outta My Bank Account"

"Get Outta My Bank Account!" 

That's what the Missus said. Well, she actually said a whole lot more that's better left to the imagination. And no, it wasn't me what had his fingers in the till neither. She was yammerin' about the government blowin' millions o' dollars o' HER tax money on promotin' the Keystone XL pipeline they knew was doomed from the start. Well I didn't believe the numbers she was talkin' about, so I looked it up. Sure enough, that old Munroe calculator stored in her brain had it added up more or less right: thirty million here, thirty million there, another twenty-six million somewheres else, all WITHOUT HER APPROVAL! It's a good job she ain't the Revenue Minister or Stephen Harper would'a been walkin' around in the King's new clothes by now.

Before I joined the conversation the Missus was havin' with her friend, I sneaked off to the bathroom, checked my wallet to see how much was in there. There was enough (thank heavens) to last beyond this particular tirade. The main thing was that my name wasn't Harper an' I hadn't overspent. Well I should explain. See, the Missus is a Dutch girl. Well she's more of an old Dutch girl by now, but the speech she'd just delivered to her friend (an' to me in a 'take notice' sort'a way) sure proved she was very much from the Netherlands. I couldn't help but be reminded that the whole Spanish Armada had been swept off the sea by someone like her in the Dutch navy an' Harper should be kind'a glad for his own sake that she'd married me instead o' him. Well, he can only take so much abuse over his transgressions until you gotta feel sorry for him.

Well that sort'a leaves the plight o' them poor buggers whose incomes are directly affected by the oil business. I mean the workers in the oil patch, the suppliers o' services an' equipment an' so on. Most o' them don't have a hedge fund or government subsidies to draw on in hard times like their employers do. It's certainly understandable that they're upset. But they've been brainwashed to be in lock-step with their companies who don't give a rip about the wildlife they poison or the sacred ground they plow up for their pipelines, or the poisonous water they inject into the earth in their frackin' exercises. An' at the first sign of danger to the bottom line, they all get their pink slips, an' feel sorry for their poor employers. Give me a break! Them employers' pockets is deeper than the oil wells they drill. Now they're sayin on the news that the government will end the subsidies by 2020. SUBSIDIES? What subsidies? You mean to say the oil companies get subsidies too? Now I see where the Missus gets her BILLIONS o' dollars from. I thought she only meant millions. She makes that mistake sometimes. An THAT'S what she's is upset about, or at least it seems that way to me from up here on the top shelf.

Just sayin'.