The Wasp Caper
The wasps around our place seem to have a new strategy. I don't know if it's a redistribution of workload or a new way of attackin' more people at the same time. Whatever their logic, they seem to be distributin' their attention, one wasp at a time to each apartment in our complex. Well I suppose it makes sense if you're a swarm of wasps wantin' to cover a whole apartment population. I kill one wasp one day an' the next , there's another one shows up. I know it's not the one I offed yesterday 'cause I deliberately left it lyin on the balcony floor. Well I don't mind killin' them miserable critters, cause they're never up to no good anyways.
Well the Missus is afraid o' them bugs. I mean she's TERRIFIED! It's got so she don't wanna step out on the balcony no more 'cause every time she does, one o' them wasps comes by to check out her hair spray or somethin'. So I went down to the store an' picked up a couple o' flyswatters to hang out there in case a wasp showed up again. A big oven mitt could'a accomplished the same thing but ya wanna have the right equipment to do the job. That gave the Missus the confidence to go out again. The epic battle that followed between the Missus an' the miserable wasp should'a been recorded for posterity. She was "swash bucklin'" like Errol Flynn up against Black Beard in a two fisted (or rather, two swatter) sword fight, swingin' them mercilessly at the little wasp who was bobbin' an' weavin' like Mohamed Ali. It was truly a battle for the ages. When I stepped out I squished the little bugger against the screen an' that was the end of it an' him.
Well I don't want to gloss over the damage these nasty little creatures can do. Holy crackers! They can kill you if you're allergic to their venom. People with severe allergic reactions use one o' them "EpiPen" auto injectors to treat exposure to the venom. The drill is, you inject the EpiPen adrenaline immediately you are stung, and call 911. That's how serious it is. So it's no funny business, that's for sure.
But seriousness aside, it was worth commentin' on the Missus swash bucklin' adventure with a one ounce wasp. It becomes obvious that there is a good reason to have a man around the house (if for no other reason than to kill wasps), or at least that's how it seems to me from up here on the top shelf.