Saturday, February 25, 2017

Oh God Part Six

Part Six
Well we laughed out loud indeed at my interpretation of the did all the others around the table. It kind of served to break the ice a bit because after that and there was a lot of conversation and good humour. We sat long into the night in friendly conversation. When we finally packed it in for the night, we all had a feeling of satisfaction and comradery. I wasn’t sure whether Schwartz had bought into our family plan or found himself as a double agent. Either way, it didn’t matter a bit. The ‘Us and Them’ problem would likely persist until there was a total demise of all life forms on earth. It would of course be caused by humans in their insatiable desire to take over MY domain.
If I’da been smart, I’da left the wolf in charge. At least he knew how to keep an even keel in the life cycle. Well, let’s face it, I can make another one anyways. In fact, I can do a lot o’ things different, like adjust the brain size o’ mankind. In fact, what I’d do is to give him dominion over his own family dinner table an’ nothin’ else. I could’a done a lot o’ things better but it was the first world I’d built in a long time so I guess I can allow myself some room for error. The other ones turned out much better.

At the next meetin’ we’ll have to get into the business of the ‘us an’ them’ again. I noticed a number o’ people down on earth talkin’ about it already so it must have some degree of importance in somebody’s mind. Look at that! It’s playin out exactly like I said. It must be about time to send Jesus down there to straighten them knuckle heads out once an’ for all. If anybody can convince them to abandon their predatory ways, it’s him. A thousand years of love an’ peace on earth ought’a be enough time for people to get used to the idea. Then we’ll see whether I’ll need to invoke my third an’ final disaster.

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Oh God - Part Five

Part Five
Well you can bet you’re bottom dollar that Schwartz would be surprised by the invitation. He saw it as an opportunity to lord it over us (forgettin’ that I AM the Lord in the first place), so he accepted the invitation. He even joined us in askin’ a blessin’ for the food at the table although he balked a little at the “fellowship o’ those around it”. We soon dispelled that with the laughter and banter around the table, a lot of it includin’ him as a new family member.
About the time dessert was finished an’ everyone was feelin’ well satisfied I decided to start the purpose of the meetin’ off. “Schwartz,” I said, “the world has gotten itself into a very dangerous situation. It’s on the brink of destroyin’ itself, an’ I don’t think anybody wants that. We got one chance to rectify that. One chance! ‘Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us’. With that I want to say welcome to our family. You are one of us as we also are of you. That way we can discuss all our differing opinions and by the end of our discussions we can come to a consensus. If that’s not possible, we can hold it over until the next meeting.”
“It seems a little iffy to me,” said Schwartz suspiciously.
“In your vernacular, LOL to us with that,” I said
“WHAT?” said Schwartz.
“LOL – Lots of Luck!”

“Oy,” said Schwartz. “You don’t understand the acronyms. LOL means ‘laughed out loud.’”

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Fantasy in a Wine Glass

Fantasy in a Wine Glass
Is it old age creeping up? Is it perhaps an over-active imagination, or is it perhaps the magic of the wine glass? I don’t know, but something strange is going on. Whatever it is gives me the shivers.
Well, I was thinking of doing some clay modelling, something I hadn’t done in a while and since the Missus’ birthday was coming up, I thought I’d make her a wine glass to celebrate her birthday with. So I put together a number of little Styrofoam balls for a stem and a bigger one at the top for the bowl and a medium one at the bottom for the base. Well I’d done some experimenting with the Styrofoam and found that it melted right down when I baked the clay, so it would be perfect.
Wrapping just the right amount of clay around the Styrofoam and smoothing it around until it was just about right I set it in the oven to bake. When it finally came out of the oven and cooled off - it was crooked! Not only that, but the stem was too fat. Nothing in the world would straighten the stem out. It was just not going to be a wine glass - - - - but - - - - it could be a trophy cup – a loving cup. Yeah, that’s it – a loving cup! So I carefully measured and made two identical handles and baked them too, gluing them onto the (now) loving cup. Well it wasn’t too neat, but I can sand them down I guess.
Once everything dries properly, I take it in hand to begin the sanding process and suddenly I can’t believe my eyes. This is no loving cup! What I’m holding in my hand is a statue of an indigenous woman carrying a basket of something on her head for heaven’s sake! The Missus agrees. That’s exactly what it looks like! (she says).
So now I’m wondering what spirit is behind all this. Is it the wine missing from the original goblet, or the glass complaining that it turned out crooked. By the time I get finished painting the blessed thing, who knows what it will be? I guess I’ll just call it creative art and let it go at that, but it begs the question: am I the artist who created the piece, or just the messenger of what the piece wanted to say? You often hear that from stone cutters and wood carvers.


Saturday, February 4, 2017

Oh God - Part Four

Part Four
Well, there ain’t no use cryin over spilt milk. I can think of a lot o’ things I could’a done better. When I made man’s brain bigger, I didn’t take his predatory nature into account. Him an’ the wolf used to walk around the world namin’ all the animals. They was friends at the time. Next thing I know, man is goin’ around killin’ all the wolves ‘cause he figures they’re pests. Go figure. An’ then he gets in there an’ kills all the other critters. That was different of course ‘cause they needed the food. But they didn’t know when to stop! They went way overboard until it became nothin’ more’n sport. It wasn’t long before everything was more or less hunted to extinction an’ people began to realize that once it was done, hunters would no longer come an’ pay big money to hunt no more ‘cause there wasn’t nothin’ left to hunt.
Well, would you believe it, but it was Schwartz who put together a promotional package to bring it tourists to come an’ just look at these unique and giant animals instead o’ killin them. They got together to sit around a table like the one I just smashed to smithereens an’ he pitched them the benefits of a sustaining tourism business. It was a good idea at the time an’ they all bought in. Of course, humans bein’ what they are were soon competin’ with one another for the tourism dollars. They should’a kept up their family dinners, but they got on their feet a bit an’ first thing ya know they was back at the ‘us an’ them’ business.

The thing I wanna emphasise is that Schwartz, even though he was moonlightin’ from his job at Satan’s place, set an example of how humanity should behave. So even though he’s on the other side, he’s not all that different from us. An’ that’s why we should welcome him to our table an’ treat him as part of our family. Remember when you asked me to, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”? That was no joke. That’s exactly what we gotta do an’ I’ll do it too. I strongly suggest you adopt that same philosophy. I know he’ll be suspicious to start but if we demonstrate to him that we are sincerely serious, he’ll come around to the idea that we are all the same. It’s the only way to eliminate the “Us and Them” an’ replace it with we, the family.