One Slice o’ Pizza Will End the World
Bet ya never figured on that one, did ya? The world’l go hurtlin’ into some black hole in space ‘cause we’re gettin’ way too fat. Well go figure. Say three hunnert pounds per person times seven or so billion people – that’s a whole lotta pounds to be stompin’ around on the ground at one time. Is it any wonder that there’s so many sink holes showin’ up from frackin’ for natural gas? Or all them earthquakes suddenly showin’ up?
There’s two possible scenarios goin’ on here, the way I got it figured out. The first is them refugee camps. People are pourin’ into ‘em like there’s no tomorrow, fillin’ up spaces by the thousands. Right now they’re landin’ up in Turkey, Egypt an’ Jordan. An’ in fact, there’s a lot o’ them comin’ from parts o’ Africa, tryin’ to get into Italy. Fortunately, none o’ them are too fat so it can’t make that much of a difference. Still, twenty thousand people at say a hunnert an’ fifty pounds each adds up to fifteen hunnert tons o’ humanity all concentrated in one particular area. Well, just think about sailin’ a boat full o’ people along the river an’ everybody decides to run to one side. What do you think will happen? Of course, the dang thing’ll tip over an’ sink! Well the same thing will happen to the world with all that lop-sided weight distribution. We’ll get all wobbly an first thing you know the polar axis will shift an’ the world’ll go flippin’ out into one o’ them black holes Stephen Hawking’s always goin’ on about an we’ll disappear, never to be seen again.
Well the other possibility is that last slice o’ pizza to put us over the top, weight wise. Just how many pounds do you think the earth can take fer cryin’ out loud? Remember that guy who was addin’ a straw to the camel’s back every day until finally the critter collapsed under the weight of it all? Well again, what do you think? How many more slices o’ pizza can we jam down our throats before our world collapses?
Everybody’s so worried about global warming and carbon emission spellin’ disaster to our world, that nobody ever figured on the epic consequences of one last slice o’ pizza. At least that’s how it seems to me from up here on the top shelf.