Saturday, September 6, 2014

The Yellin' Clock

The Yellin’ Clock!


I never thought I’d see such a thing: A clock that yells at you without makin’ a sound. Well, I seen it ‘cause we got one. I still don’t know how to react to it.  The missus’  been grumblin’ about the old radio clock sittin’ on her night table for months now, how she can’t see the blamed clock on it an’ she don’t know whether to come back to bed after she visits the bathroom or get up an’ make breakfast. You know how that is when you get so fed up with a situation you gotta do somethin’ about it.

“C’mon,” she says, “we’re goin’ down to the Walmart an’ get a new clock.” She was lookin’ for one o’ them wall clocks she could hang up across the room from the bed so she could see the time from the comfort of her pillow. So we go down to the Walmart. Contrary to her usual custom, she walks right past the hair color, the throw cushions, an’ the artwork, an’ heads straight for a clerk an’ asks her where’s the clocks. I can see that she’s some determined. It was a good thing too ‘cause there was nothin’ there you could hang on a wall.

So then I spot one o’ them mantle clocks she can put on her night table. It’s a digital clock that lights up. It’s got no radio or nothin’, but it’s got big numbers you can see ‘cause it shines in the dark. “That’s it!” she shouts. So we buy it.

I don’t know if you ever noticed, but things always look different when you get them home than they did at the store. It ain’t no different with clocks neither. Well, you don’t notice at first. I set it on the night table, plugged it in, set the time an’ put the light on bright. There, that ought’a do it. The missus approved.

Around eight or eight-thirty the missus decides to call it a night an’ trundles off to bed while I stay up to watch some TV. A couple of hours later, I follow suit. In the darkness of the house I expect I’m gonna see this new clock. I’m surprised to see there’s no clock anywhere. Maybe she stuck it under the bed or something.

In the morning I find out that it was just too big an’ bright so she threw a towel over it. Well that’s a lark! Reminds me of Goldilocks an’ the three bears. So I go an’ turn down the brightness. An’ now it’s just right, says the missus. But for me it ain’t just right. Every time I go past the bedroom door I see those big two inch tall digits starin’ right at me to tell me the time whether I want to know or not. It feels like the clock is yellin’ at me an’ I don’t wanna always know what time it is. If this keeps up I might just close the bedroom door to shut the blamed thing up. At least that’s how it seems to me from up here on the top shelf.

Just sayin’.

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