Saturday, July 30, 2016

All About Skin

All About Skin

Well what kind of a blog will this be - all about skin? C'mon, we can do better than that. No, not really. Well lets face it. Skin is the largest organ on the human body I'm told, an we don't even notice it. We take it for granted. That's what we put our tattoos on, that's what we put our makeup on, an' that's what we drag over to the tanning beds to fry to a crisp. We do all these things to our skin an' never even acknowledge that it is an organ just like our heart an' lungs.

Durin' our lifetime we fill our faces with Pizza an' Pasta an' stretch our skin to the breakin' point. Then we get concerned with our weight an' go on a crash diet, losin' a lot of it. We've managed somehow to expand this major organ to contain all them calories 'til it was to bustin' with nary a thought to the consequences. We never figured out that skin grows to accommodate what we put into our bodies, but it don't go back as the innards of its contents get smaller. It's a one-way stretch an' it don't shrink back! So then we gotta go to the body tailor to have the excess skin taken in - just like you have yer pants taken in at the tailor's when they're too big. Sorta like alterations, except one costs about five bucks an' the other about ten grand.

Well the Missus notices somethin' the other day an' she says "Look at this!" When I say "What"? she points to her arm an' says "Look at my skin hangin' down!" I say somethin' stupid about her hair dryer an' heatin' up the skin to make it shrink tight like they do with plastic on windows to keep out the frost. It's a good job she don't have any tattoos to get all saggy. "Oh shaddap!" she says, "you got the same thing!" Danged if she ain't right. I never noticed before.

I wouldn't want anybody to rip off my skin an' replace it with a smaller model. No sir! But - but if them tannin' bed guys could come up with some sort of a ray that could shrink the skin down to a size to fit the body, now that would be somethin'. You'd think with all the things we can invent these days, what can be so hard as to come up with a simple skin shrinker? I mean, how hard can it be to make such a thing?

If there's anyone out there with the same idea, they could probably get a government grant for it, or at the very minimum, money from one of the pharmaceutical companies. At least, that's how it seems to me from up here on the top shelf.

Just sayin'.

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