Saturday, December 5, 2015

Disaster and Devastation

Disaster and Devastation 

Man, them sucker punches are sure painful! Specially if you don't see 'em comin'. Well it ain't so much the sucker punch itself as the complete surprise at it's landin' on yer chin and then the pain o' hittin' the pavement. It seems to be a devastatin' disaster momentarily, until you pick yourself up an' figure out what the heck happened.

I'm speakin' figuratively o' course (cause I ain't never really been sucker punched). But I imagine the effect is exactly the same. It was four o'clock in the mornin' an' I had just written a short (practice) script for my You Tube movie to promote my acting career hobby. It was pretty good too, about me bein' held prisoner by a bunch o' hoodlums I'd come across beatin' up on a damsel in distress. Bullies they were. Of course I had to teach them a lesson, just like they do in the movies, with wise an' profound emotional language. Naturally, I had to emphasize my speech with throwin' a few things around. Well, for the practice run I'd got a few cardboard boxes to toss around so as not to do any damage in the apartment.

So, bein' excited about my new hobby, I launched into my speech, thunderin' obscenities at the top o' my lungs and kickin' at the cardboard boxes so they went flyin' helter-skelter across the room. Oh my, this felt great! I could already see my name up in lights. I don't think I ever told anybody off like that before! It seems I was lettin' go of eighty years o' pent up frustration! Not only is this a good hobby, but it's therapeutic too.

Suddenly, in the midst of my tirade, a dark shadow appears at my office door. "What in the H E Double hockey sticks do you think you're doin?" it says in a quiet icy whisper.

Holy crackers! It's the Missus! I'm so dumbfounded I'm momentarily speechless. One minute I'm raisin cane with a bunch o' hooligans an' the next I got to explain my actions to the Missus. "I - I'm practicing to make a movie." I stammer, feelin' totally deflated (or really sucker punched).

Well, I ain't goin' to go into it except to say I wish I'd recorded her speech to me. It would'a made a much better movie than the one I had written. I'm now convinced that the three hunnert people livin' in our apartment block don't need to hear a thriller movie at four o'clock in the mornin' (or any other time for that matter).

Well, them's the breaks. My Oscar dreams is quickly fadin' but as soon as I catch my breath I'll find somethin' quieter to do. At least that's how it seems to me from up here on the top shelf.

Just sayin'.




No comments:

Post a Comment