The least we can do is wish Canada a happy birthday. Well, she's startin' to get a little long in the tooth an' with all the turmoil an' troubles she's been havin' lately, I guess she could use a little cheerin' up. The people this country used to belong to was havin' a massive celebration of summer solstice a few days ago. Of course those celebrations have a deeper meaning than just lightin' a bunch o' firecrackers an' playin' loud music. They are held around the world and date back into antiquity, usually having to do with the exact moment the sun "stands still" before descending into shorter days, and the bearing of food and life for another year.
Well we got no such lofty aspirations. We just wanna blow up firecrackers an' play loud music. Half the time we don't even know why. It reminds me a little of the Orangemen in Ireland marchin' through the streets of the downtrodden catholic communities, blowin' their penny whistles, drummin' an' thumbin' their noses at them over their past victories. We of course are a little more subtle than that. We don't focus on comin' over here an' stealin' the land from the Indians, then relegatin' them to remote an' low lyin' areas in the north while we take over the fertile southern lands. Naw, that's ancient history. We just wanna love Canada, the country that WE made an' are part of, so we blow up firecrackers an play loud music. That's deep?
If old John A. had got outta the scotch long enough to use his brain, he'd 'a sent them Mennonites what came from Russia into places like Island Lake, Norway House an' all them other reserves made o' useless marshland. These folks got experience in cleanin' up useless lowland marshes an' turnin' 'em into productive agricultural land. They done it in the Netherlands an' what is now Poland an' in what used to be called south Russia -even Siberia. These buggers know what they're doin' on the land. They could grow sixty bushels o' wheat to the acre on a flat rock. It's just when they get into parliament that they're outta their element an' are totally useless. Come to think of it, we could still do that. First thing you know, the whole north would become Canada's breadbasket with clean water an' proper shitters an' schools an' everything'd be high an' dry. Then we could be proud of our country. At least that's how it seems to me from up here on the top shelf.