Ophthalmology

Ophthalmology

 

That’s what you call what them eye doctors do. I think the reason they call it that is cause if you can read it, you got 20/20 vision. Probly the first six months o’ school, they learn how to pronounce it an’ after that, they ain’t just an eye doctor, they’re a for sure OPHTHALMOLOGIST! – in trainin’ of course.

I called my Ophthalmologist the other day ‘cause I was gettin’ blurred vision in one o’ my eyes. It was one o’ them things that sorta sneaked up on me. The thing is that when you got two eyes an’ only one o’ them is blurred, you don’t figure it out right away. To tell the truth, the first thing I did was to wash the windshield on my car. That didn’t make no difference so I slowly remembered havin’ the wrinkles ironed outta my other eye sometime after cataract surgery. It was an easy procedure done right in the office. The Ophthalmologist gave me some eye drops, froze the eye, stuck a ring in it to keep it open an’ proceeded to iron it all out with a lazer thingamebob. You might compare it to takin’ a hair dryer to the plastic you put over yer windows in the winter time to smooth it out. The whole business was done in less than five minutes except for the wait time while the eye drops took effect.

So you’d figure it’d be a pretty simple affair. Not so, according to that snippy receptionist in the office. “When did you have the procedure done?” she wanted to know.

I looked it up an’ told her five years ago. “Too long,” she says. “You’ll have to go to an Optometrist and get a referral.”

WHAT?  I had a referral in the first place to have my cataract removed. “Don’t matter,” she says with some finality. So I hung up the phone an’ stuck my head in a paper bag to let off steam.

Eighty bucks later, I had a referral to do exactly what I had predicted in the first place, not that they’d believe the owner of the eye that don’t see proper. Well, I made the appointment, but not with them buggers. They wouldn’t miss me anyways.

In my mind it’s the Optometrist should be doin’ that window polishin’ hisself instead o’ some high falutin’ Ophthalmologist anyways. They could set up a whole eye cleanin’ department an’ get some o’ them kids what put together computer parts to do the job. They got steadier hands than most of us an’ with a little instruction, could do as well as any Ophthalmologist, an’ probly better. After all, you don’t need to be an architect to wash the windows on a high rise apartment buildin’ do you? At least that’s how it seems to me from up here on the top shelf.

Just sayin’.