Breast fed is best fed

Breast fed is best fed

It looks like the condensed milk industry is goin’ to be takin’ another hit if the Brits have anythin’ to do with it. It originally came into bein’ as a means of non-spoilin’ storage of dairy milk an’ had it’s hay day durin’ wars an’ such when soldiers needed nourishment an’ had no proper means of storage for it. It was a pretty good deal at the time but it had it’s ups an’ downs with wars comin’ an’ goin’. With the money invested in condensing equipment, in land and cattle breeding for the finest milk an’ wars goin’ south, it was a risky business at best.

In between wars it wasn’t too long before the producers of this stuff figgered out that you could feed it to babies out of a bottle. Just think of the benefits of that! Now millions of infants whose mothers’ milk lacks the necessary nutrition can have a chance at survival. Hold on now. To a certain extent that’s true, especially in third world countries where the mothers’ nutrition is lacking. But mothers in the developed countries glommed onto this like a magnet. That meant they could send dad to feed the baby any time of day or night an’ they could go about their business, whatever that might be. All you needed to do was to prepare the formula ahead of time an’ Bob’s yer Uncle. Even the babysitter could do that! Suddenly there was a freedom never before even thought of. It was like Borden an’ Carnation had single handedly emancipated women from the drudgery of feedin’ their offspring. How ‘bout that!

Now, about fifty years later we find that the baby boomers and subsequent issues of children are all pretty much defective. Well, to the degree that they get all sorts of diseases, their bones crumple prematurely, an’ all sundry other maladies. They’re droppin’ like flies at early ages an’ they don’t have the strength an’ stamina of their ancestors. Now that seems remarkable since you’d figure all this scientific advancement would have the opposite effect.

Scientists in the U.K. have suddenly figured out that it’s all because of the lack of breast-feeding. Well, I’ll be! So that’s what them lumps that girls tend to get at about the age of puberty are for. Who knew? It flies in the face of everything we have come to believe in: i.e. that they’re some sort of handles for men to grope or some kind of magnet to attract members of the opposite sex. But breast-feeding? BREAST FEEDING?  You know what that means don’t you? That means that the mothers of these infants will have to personally provide breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks to these little critters. They might even have to do it in public from time to time, God forbid. As they would say in India, BLOODY HELL! Do you mean to tell me that we are reverting to archaic means of feeding our young in ways to give them both nourishment and immunities to last them a lifetime? This hasn’t been done since WWII for heaven’s sakes!

Many will say that the Brits have stepped over the line this time, abandoning a long established set of civilities in favor of archaic methods of human survival. Good Lord, what’s next, healthy living? Breast-fed is best fed, they say. They’re even willin’ to pay the mothers for it, that’s how sure they are. I’d put my money on the Brits idea any day and the civilities and other clap-trap can go south an’ pick chips. At least that’s how it seems to me from up here on the top shelf.

Just sayin’.