Saturday, October 5, 2013

Nurturung Nature

Nurturing Nature 

Seniors will outnumber children worldwide within thirty-five years! That’s what they said on the news this morning. How about that! Civilization is coming to a crashing halt in the foreseeable future. What the H E double hockey sticks? Don’t we know how to make babies any more? How in the world could that happen? How could we possibly screw up sex, I’d like to know.

Well, for one thing, we forgot what sex is for. Used to be that it was taken for granted that it was to reproduce our silly selves. Not no more! No sir! Civilization has come too far for that kind o’ nonsense. These days sex is used for entertainment, conquest between the genders, sales and marketing tools and everything else except its prime purpose. What the heck, there’s sperm banks, cloning technology, and even adoption opportunities of children from third world countries. There’s hundreds of ways to get babies.

An’ now, just in the nick o’ time to save our nurturing abilities before we forget them altogether too, we got our seniors outnumbering the little brats we used to produce to take their place. Now at least, these young people we produced will be able to nurture and care for their parents and grandparents. That’ll keep ‘em from losing the talent altogether. The bonus is that the parents will be able to tell the kids what’s wrong. That’s better than little infants who can’t talk anyway. They just cry so you gotta guess what’s bothering them an’ half the time you don’t get it right anyways. At least this way the old folks can tell you an’ you got a better chance of not screwin’ up. Of course that’s assumin’ they still got most o’ their marbles, the old folks that is.

Me, I’m lookin’ forward to the day when my children can pay total attention to me an’ the missus, lookin’ after our every need and whim. I just can’t hardly wait for to go racin’ down a hospital corridor against the missus, hell-bent for election to the finish line. I got my grandson picked out too. He can run like the wind and ain’t nobody can catch him.

Well an’ then there’s the business of feedin’ us. We got that covered too. One of our granddaughters is a registered dietitian an’ she’s already workin’ in long term care so that’s a no brainer. The only thing I ain’t figured out yet is the bathing an’ diaper changin’. They’ll have to draw straws for that. We just don’t care cause if there’s one thing we’re better at than the little infant children, it’s havin’ long naps. We can nod off on signal an’ never know what’s goin’ on ‘til what’s goin’ on has already gone on.

So it seems to me we’re lucky to have been born in a time when sex was used to produce children. We were blessed with a bunch of them an’ they in turn followed our example. So we’re a self-sufficient family unit an’ everybody else can go take care of their own business. At least that’s how it seems from up here on the top shelf.

Just sayin’.

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