Oh God - Part Eight

Oh God - Part Eight

Dinner proceeded jovially enough with casual conversation between mouthfuls. To all intents and purposes, it was a friendly family dinner. Well, except I noticed that Schwartz was a little more than uneasy. I knew he recognized the voice from the kitchen and that was cause for concern for him. That was the wife of old Nard Harks who was swinging between Hell an’ here like a yoyo because nobody wanted to deal with him. I was reluctantly feelin’ a little easier havin’ her on my team for once. If nothing else, she was bringing civility to the conversation. It was a perfect segue into my intended talk.

“If we aren’t goin’ to be civil in our language up here, how is anyone in the real world down there goin to learn civility?” I wanted to know. “Don’t you practice it down there in hell?”

“Oh, hell no,” was the reply.

“I heard that!” said the alto voice.

“Down there we say whatever we want, however it comes out. It’s called free speech. It’s everyone’s right!”

“That’s an interestin’ concept. Doesn’t that lead to hateful attitudes and conflict?”

“Of course, it does! That’s the whole idea! Let the offended parties defend themselves. Whoever is strongest will survive.” Schwartz was feeling confident now. He was makin’ some pretty good points in his (the devil’s) arguments. “It’d been like that ever since there was enough people around to be livin’ apart from one another. Not only that, but it was good business for hell, we was crankin’ them in like nobody’s business. It’s sort of like natural evolution, you know - survival of the fittest.” Schwartz realized too late that he’d overplayed his hand.

“Do the math,” said God, ignoring Schwartz’ mistake. “You’ll find it’s counter productive.”

“How so?” Schwartz wanted to know.

“Instead of supportin’ one another in their quest, they’re competin’ until there is only one left standin’.” Said God. “How’re ya gonna keep the population goin’ with only one person left? Ha - that reminds me of a human joke that wouldn’t be civil to repeat here.”

“Yeah, I know that one. I’m the one who made it up.”