Saturday, January 31, 2015

The Circle of Life

The Circle of Life


Well ya can’t blame them people in the lower reaches of Nepal for thinkin’ the sky is fallin’ down. They’ll be walkin around outside an’ bones keep fallin’ from the sky from time to time. HUMAN bones come hurtlin’ down with a thud at that. They’re lucky not to get beaned by ‘em. What they don’t know is that there’s a tribe o’ people livin’ up in the far upper reaches of the Himalayas where nobody but them can breathe, let alone carve out an existence.  What they do when somebody dies is to march their corpses even further up the mountain, an’ after a ceremony chop the dead bodies up into bite sized pieces an’ scatter them for the vultures to eat. The vultures o’ course have a feast an’ then take target practice on the unsuspecting people in the valleys below.

I was sittin’ in the bathroom yesterday mornin’, thinkin’ about the circle o’ life when it came to me that that’s exactly how things go. It’s just one big circle. I mean, we’d gone shoppin’ for groceries just the day before an’ brought home a cartful o’ stuff. By the time the Missus got everythin’ put away an’ done her cookin’, which we then got to eatin’, there was a bag o’ garbage to be taken out again. See what I mean? It all goes round an’ round in one big circle. That’s what I was thinkin’, sittin on my throne in the bathroom.

So much for body parts. What comes around goes around. Nothin’ really changes except for its composition. In the end we have exactly what we started with even in its recycled form. Well, supposin’ now that in the very beginnin’ when things was bein’ made, like people an’ animals an’ bugs an’ such, there was just so many that would fit on the face o’ the earth. Of course, they all had to have spirits, or at least an energy to animate ‘em an’ make ‘em come alive. Well suppose you got a gazillion critters already made, each with its own energy. That makes a gazillion energies you gotta do somethin’ with. So you trade ‘em off, one for another. Thus the theory of reincarnation begins to make perfect sense, ‘specially in Nepal. In this life you coulda’ been a human and the next you might be one o’ them Jackasses haulin’ freight up the mountain trail for tourists. Or you coulda’ been a cockroach turned into a human. Ya never know.

It’s an interestin’ concept to think about. Who knows, might even be true, or at least that’s how it seems to me from up here on the top shelf.

Just sayin’.

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Odds 'n Ends

Odds ‘n Ends


There’s always such a lot o’ goin’s on while I’m busy doin’ my everyday rants that I can’t even get time to comment on it. So I thought I’d take a minute or two to catch up.

The first thing on my mind is them MC’s on the TV talk shows. There seems to be a formula, particularly in the U.S.A. that requires the yellin’ out o’ the name of the show or the personality bein’ introduced. You expect some giant superstar to walk out onto the stage instead o’ the puny little guy dressed in a tuxedo jacket, blue jeans an’ Nike sneakers that actually shows up. What a disappointment! Oh well, only in America.

An’ talkin’ about yellin’ there’s another thing that gripes me. I’ve finally figured out what actin’ is all about. It’s all about yellin’ that’s what. Well that an’ the kinds of faces you can make yer while doin’ it. There’s a little more to it than that though. You got to be able to do things like shoot guns, kick box an’ crash cars. The more o’ that you got, the better the movie, it seems.

While we’re at it, let’s talk about humor. Well, why not? Let’s face it, there ain’t none, not unless you consider four letter humor or sexual innuendo as bein’ funny. As Molly McGee used to say to Fibber; “T’ain’t funny McGee.” An’ the last of the humorists, Bill Cosby’s in the dog house, so there’s a mixed message there. What ever happened to the likes of Myron Cohen? Him an’ his ilk are all dead unfortunately, and real humor died right with them. Too bad.

I seem to be pickin’ on the entertainment business particularly, but let’s face it, that’s what we all watch on the TV an’ are influenced by. An’ the creators of the industry are no dummies neither. They meticulously study the markets an’ put out what the audiences seem to want. They got the numbers to prove it too.

So where does that leave our level of intelligence at anyways? Just who are the dummies? Pretty obvious ain’t it? But there’s an upside to all this though. The women (God bless ‘em) are startin’ to button up their dresses again, so’s they look decent for once, rather than makin’ navel gazin’ a spectator sport. Except for them we’d all be sunk down into a den of mediocrity. But we have to watch out for them too. They can change their minds in a flash, or at least that’s how it seems to me from up here on the top shelf.

Just sayin’.

Saturday, January 17, 2015




That’s what this is all about: Revenge. And it was carried out perfectly to do the maximum harm to France and peripherally to the whole western world. Firstly it’s revenge for France’s military participation in various Middle East areas, Yemen in particular. We seem to have this silly notion that killing Al Quaeda, the Taliban and Isil people is not going to result in any reaction other than in the killing fields. It never occurs to us that the other side is comprised of living, breathing people with sons and daughters, mothers and fathers. We are so convinced that our way of life is the right one, it never occurs to us that someone may have a different point of view. And when they express it we are absolutely mortified. We will hunt them down and bring them to justice at any cost. And the justice we bring them to is OUR justice because it is after all the only justice that is right – isn’t it?

But let’s step back and have another look at this whole business from a different perspective. The terrorists decided to exact revenge on Charlie Hebdo for mocking Mohammed. Then, out of the blue, they decided to take revenge on the Jews because some Jew had once mocked one of the terrorists. And on an overall picture they wanted to punish France for their involvement in attacking the Taliban and perhaps Al Quaida and Isis. On top of that they wanted this to be a suicide mission in which they would die as martyrs.

Well if you summarize what actually happened, you see that they executed their plan perfectly. First they wiped out who they wanted to at Charlie Hebdo. Then while they were making their getaway, the Kosher store was targeted, killing four Jewish hostages and a cop. Of course the two brothers left enough of a trail that they could be found. With ninety thousand police officers, helicopters and who knows how much other equipment, they were found and finally cornered. Bear in mind that this was also a suicide mission they said. They wanted to die as martyrs, so they released the one hostage they held in the print shop and came out with guns blazing. The French forces shot them dead and thus fulfilled their last goal. Perfect for the terrorists!

So if you’re keeping score, who do you think won this little battle of revenge? Did the French have no choice but to react as they did on the terrorists who called the shots right down to the last act? Human life has no consequence in such matters other than as score points, so that’s a direct loss for France and the free speaking western world. But I think they will recover most of their cash outlay from the tourism of dignitaries and others visiting, so they’re not out of pocket much. Charlie Hebdo is publishing about four million copies this week so the numbers will honor the dead. For the rest, they’re basking in the support of the western world for their stance and determination.

In the east, the Taliban, Al Quaida and Isis will be celebrating wildly at the success of their mission and their newly minted martyrs. So the final score is: Revenge 1 – Everybody else 0. We can’t seem to get beyond revenge, a sad commentary on humanity. At least that’s how it seems to me from up here on the top shelf.

Just sayin’.








Saturday, January 10, 2015

Veterans Affairs

Veterans Affairs


What I’d like to know is how come nobody in our defense and/or veterans affairs department is actually even a veteran. I mean, how do they square that with the job at hand? You don’t get to run a neurology department in a major hospital with a diesel mechanic’s certificate now do ya? So how is it you can understand the needs of veterans when you’re not one yourself? Bein’ a former police chief don’t cut no ice for the job an’ that’s a fact. Well at least not if you’re “J(ack) S.” Fantino. Hell, he couldn’t even take on Rob Ford, let alone run a government department. Then there’s Peter MacKay – ‘nuff said.

Of course I don’t really understand the other side neither, the armed forces that is. They recruit these people to go over to some foreign country to get their arms an’ legs blown off, get scorched an’ burned in their vehicles, get their brains addled by all the violence they’re forced to commit, an’ then muster them outa the army before they can collect a pension, handin’ them over to the Veterans Affairs department. They deal with that a little like gettin’ rid o’ obsolete equipment, replacin’ them with new recruits as needed.

So Fantino then decides there’s too many o’ them veterans chewin’ up too much o’ his budget an he’s gonna cut costs one way or another. In fact he’s payin’ bonuses to people in his department who come up with cost savin’ schemes. They got a whole bunch o’ closed offices, turnin’ the means o’ access to computer websites with no particular change in wait times and turnin’ payments to veterans into one time payouts in about fifty years time. He’s fixed his department an’ put it’s budget in line. He must be pretty proud of hisself, struttin’ around like a peacock. Bully for him. There’s only one little detail he left out. That’s the very veterans he’s supposed to serve. Aw, shoot! Well, ya can’t have everything I suppose.

Of course, yesterday they fired him (reinforcin’ my argument) an’ made him deputy minister of the defense department. Ha! Him an’ Peter McKay – the dynamic duo! Well they created that new job for him ‘cause they need his votes in the upcomin’ election, an’ they hired a veteran pilot to take his place. I don’t know how that’s gonna fly. In my mind they shoulda hired Romeo Delaire. At least he’d know what it’s about. In the meantime I hope them Afghan vets get their day in court, leavin’ the Veterans Affairs department an’ the rest of them government dufusses bloodied an’ broken.

Actually, they got a pretty good system in Egypt where the army throws everybody in government in the slammer an’ then takes over to clean up the mess an’ then hands it all back to the people. Not bad. At least that’s how it seems to me from up here on the top shelf.

Just sayin’.




Saturday, January 3, 2015

The Interview - The Scam

The Interview – The Scam


Makes perfect sense. It’s a scam - a marketing ploy! An’ it’s workin’ too! It never occurred to me before somebody alluded to it but once I thought about it – of course, it made sense. I’ve pulled a few o’ them off myself when I was in the real estate business. So did Russ Knight, an’ so did Greg Michie. When they work, they work perfectly. But if ya don’t plan an’ execute them properly, they fall flat on their face(s).

The best one I ever heard of was ol’ W. O. Mitchell writin’ an open letter in the newspaper to the then premier of Alberta about bannin’ a particular book in the Alberta schools as bein’ trash. The name o’ the book escapes me now but it don’t much matter. The point is that the Education minister had ordered the book removed from schools which annoyed the hell outa W. O. insomuch as it stifled the right o’ free speech an’ creativity. Well, he wasn’t havin’ none o’ that crap! He went right to the premier with a long open letter in the newspaper complainin’ about a book written by some foreigner (American I think) who had no business gettin’ that kinda publicity. HE was after all a bona fide Albertan who paid his taxes AN’ he was a writer of many stories an’ books which were full o’ obscene language an’ mostly trash. How could the government in all good conscience pick some foreigner’s book to ban when he, a native Albertan met all the qualifications? Did they have no loyalty for their own tax payin’ people?

Of course ol’ W. O. was a master wordsmith, flingin’ out verbal barbs with the deadly precision of a sniper. He knew nobody would ban any o’ HIS work an’ that’s for sure! But it did give him the perfect opportunity to promote hisself an’ his work an’ certainly enhanced his popularity an’ his book sales.

Well now we got Kim Jung Un callin’ Obama a monkey an’ I can’t wait to hear what can come o’ that. I dunno, it might be a huge big insult in North Korea, but I don’t see Obama doin’ anythin’ but chuckle at the inference. Such a remark might hold some sway with the thirty million people Kim Jung Un’s got under his thumb, but here in the west, the whole thing seems a bit ridiculous no matter who’s pullin’ what strings.

I still say it’s a marketing ploy orchestrated by Sony, but just the same, I have trouble envisionin’ the leader of thirty million people actin’ in such a childish way. But wait. We just happen to have such a “I’m gonna tell on you” spoiled brat leader right here in Canada an’ we are about thirty million strong. An’ that’s how we are bein’ lead into the future. At least that’s how it seems to me from up here on the top shelf.

Just sayin’.