Hey, Hey, Hey!

Hey Hey HEY!

Well, what’s important here anyways? That whole crummy Crimean crisis is knockin’ places like North Korea, Iran, Syria an’ other places right off the news map. Then on top of everythin’ else, that Malaysian airplane goes missin’ for three weeks an’ puts a cork in everbody else’s agenda. Holy H E double hockey sticks! What’s the world comin’ to anyways?

I mean, you got your prime minister flyin’ down there to be the first dignitary to show his support for the new Ukrainian government, beatin’ out all the others. What’s that all about? Is he shootin’ for a spot on the U. N. for his next career move? The missus says she don’t care where he goes, just fix the {God Damn} pot holes in Winnipeg first! She’s got a good point. Him flittin’ around here an’ there in his big airplane, and he’s gonna tell the G 7 a thing or two about his position on the Russians, like they give a rip about his opinion.

But I digress. People are startin’ to notice where all the attention is goin’. There was a sudden blip on the news the other day that Iran has announced that a nuclear deal is imminent. No response. In fact, once announced, the whole thing disappears from the news. I couldn’t find it anywheres. An’ Assad? Who’s heard o’ him lately? Remember him? He’s the evil butcher, slayin’ his own people to the tune of about one hunnert thousand so far. Nobody knows. What’s a person gotta do to get some attention around here? Even the Oscar Pistoreous trial just gets a casual glance these days. It got a little boost when they extended the trial with more disturbin’ evidence, but just barely.

The thing is that the Crimean situation is really old hat, when you come to think about it. Back in 1853, Tsar Nicholas decided to take it over. Well he never saw the end of it ‘cause he croaked in the meantime an’ his kid was left to clean up the mess. Well the kid wasn’t havin’ any o’ that so he took his troops an’ went home. The Brits an’ the French were a little more robust in them days an’ they kicked the Russians’ arses right outa Crimea. Good job they weren’t dumb enough to follow them to Moscow like Napoleon done.

I dunno, maybe Putin is tryin to make amends for THAT disgrace. Now THERE was a war worth talkin’ about. Remember “The Charge of the Light Brigade?” Would’a made old Mr. Cook, my high school English teacher proud. Seems the protagonists are a lot more timid these days than they used to be.

The whole business kinda gives you a sense of the same old sandbox game. Makes me think we ought’a make up our own news stories. They’d be just about as true as what you see on the news today anyways, an’ a whole lot more entertainin’ to boot. At least that’s how it seems to me from up here on the top shelf.

Just sayin’.