Saturday, September 14, 2013

Miley and Justin (America's Future)

Miley and Justin

(America’s Future)

Justin Bieber is obviously wearing his dad’s pants cause they’re too big for his tiny little juvenile bum. I just had a thought. Seein’ he wears them red jockey shorts underneath, why doesn’t he put them on over top of his pants? That way they’d stay up an’ he’d look like superman while he’s at it. Bet he never even thought about that! An’ Miley Cyrus can’t seem to get any sex other than with her microphone, and Robin Thicke was dressed as a referee rather than a singing partner.

What a pitiful sight these two icons of the music business present. Imagine how embarrassed their parents must be. They’ve raised a couple of real buffoons for gawd sakes! I don’t know if there’s a law allowing parents to revoke their parenthood, but observing these two, well, an’ maybe even Lady Gaga – but there ought to be. You ought to be able to declare these human disasters as orphans – hand them over to Child and Family Services. They’re forever looking to save somebody so who better than these nondescripts?

Well, I gotta be fair to these urchins. Somewhere in each of their woodpiles you’ll find a publicist of some sort hidin’, lookin’ for an opportunity of sensationalism to up their financial incomes. Hah! I’ll tell you what would be sensational in Justin Bieber’s case – if his old man were to come on stage durin’ one of his performances an’ pull the kid’s pants up so high as to give him such a wedgy that he’d be singin’ first soprano for the rest of the night. That’d larn the kid an’ his publicist.

An’ as far as that Miley Cyrus is concerned, that big smelly arse of hers is a perfect target for a trick I used to have with a wooden spoon. I’ll tell you, the result would be far more explosive than an orgasm with a microphone. Mind you, she wouldn’t have to worry about sittin’ down at the dinner table for a while.

But, them publicists are a wily lot. They must be the same ones that talk young Muslims into becomin’ suicide bombers. They pick up kids with a particular talent (an’ not too much else) an’ set them up for their own aims. “You can do it!” they say. “You’ll be a hero!”

Well, my suggestions would have as much impact as all that “naughty” stuff they’re pullin’ an’ would gain the respect of a much wider audience. At least that’s how it seems to me from up here on the top shelf.

Just sayin’.

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