Christmas
I was busy on Christmas Eve, writing the third
installment of the Mandela Effect when the missus and I got into a discussion
about the commercialization of the “Holiday”. So I thought I’d take a break and
note a few things about it. See, she spent pretty well all her life in the
retail business, workin’ every Christmas Eve an’ Boxing Day, so she don’t have
too healthy an outlook on the event. Well who would, strappin’ on all them
fancy clothes an’ smilin’ for all them grouchy customers whose credit cards are
more or less maxed out an’ they still gotta drive home in impossible traffic if
they ever get through the checkout.
So I’m listenin’
to the news this mornin’ an’ they’re talkin’ about the stores losin’ millions
o’ dollars this year ‘cause o’ the dang busted inclement weather down east. The
airlines are gonna feel the hurt over the dang busted inclement weather down
east too. It seems that it was the weather that stole Christmas, not the
Grinch.
Well now, just
hold ‘er a minute there Newt! Just what in the H E Double hockey sticks are we
celebratin’ here anyways? Listen, I was always under the impression that if
it’s somebody’s birthday celebration an’ you’re invited to the party, you’re
supposed to bring ‘em a gift. I was sayin’ that on the day he was born, Jesus
got some gold, some myrrh, an’ some frankincense. That was over two thousand
years ago and he ain’t got diddly squat since. Oh, except for thirty years or
so later, he got some nails an’ a cross, but otherwise – nothin’, nada.
So how did this
all get turned around? How is it that on this special day we get all the gifts
that the retailers have stuffed down our throats an’ there’s nothin left over
for Jesus? Okay, okay, I know he’s dead in the normal sense. But accordin’ to
the scriptures, he ain’t dead at all. Chapter an’ verse has been written about
his resurrection an’ all that. You can read all about it right there in the New
Testament an’ draw yer own conclusions. Watching Christmas mass bein’
celebrated last night in a multi gazillion dollar cathedral with the cardinals
an’ deacons an’ priests all in their finery seemed to me to be a little over
the top too. I found myself wonderin’ what the people in attendance were
thinkin’ with all this pageantry. The one bright light in the whole business is
that the new pope is a man of the people an’ he already shows signs of bringing
his church to the people rather than the other way around. Just when you get
totally cynical ‘bout how the world is goin’ to hell in a hand basket, a new
hope springs up. At least that’s how it seems to me from up here on the top
shelf.
Just sayin’.