Nincompoops!

Nincompoops 

We’ve had floods, massive floods that covered half the province. We’ve had snowstorms and blizzards where you can’t see beyond the end of your nose. We’ve had tornadoes that re-allocated real estate from here to there, droughts that caused all kinds of havoc, but three things we’ve never had are sea water flooding our streets, or a major earthquake, or monumental stupidity.

Well, that’s what I wanted to address – stupidity I mean, especially the monumental kind. Natural disasters are Mother Nature’s business, and she does what she does with no questions asked or apologies given. If she decides to do something, you’d better get the hell out of the road or suffer the consequences.

But stupidity is the exclusive domain of humanity. Every time there is a natural disaster of any kind, it becomes more evident, no more so than at the CBC. What I’m talking about is the aftermath of the earthquake in B.C. the other day. Wendy Mesley, one of CBC’s senior reporters had the head of B.C.’s emergency measures organization on the T.V. carpet and was cross-examining her about the lateness of the organization in notifying people about the earthquake and a possible tsunami. Apparently it took the U.S. six minutes to send out warnings while we in Canada waited for FORTY-SIX minutes. Why was that, she wanted to know in no uncertain terms?

The lady calmly explained that people had been educated to recognize the earthquake itself as the warning to get into their cars and hit for higher ground. Makes sense doesn’t it? Obviously a lot of people agreed because the roads were crowded everywhere.

Not good enough for old Wendy. She was hell-bent for election to get the woman to admit that the emergency measures organization was negligent in advising the public. C’mon Wendy, how much more of a warning can you get than to have your house shaking to know enough to get your ass out of there? Gawd, and even Peter Mansbridge fell into that mindset.

I think back to that disastrous tsunami in Indonesia a few years back where hundreds of thousands lost their lives, many needlessly. I remember thinking, why do these people build their businesses right on the seashore? They deliberately expose themselves to danger. That’s their fault. What struck me at that time was that elephants in the area moved to higher ground in plenty of time. Not an elephant life was lost. Hm – food for thought. Those who waited for an emergency measures announcement died. Those who listened to Mother Nature survived.

Well, that’s not the point. The point is that paying attention to these nincompoops and their ideas about doing nothing until notified by emergency measures organizations can easily be fatal. At times like these, nobody gives a rip about entertainment value of the news. I’ll tell you what though. If they were to use all that hot air and energy to co-ordinate rescues, escape routes, directions to shelters and safe places instead of nailing somebody to the proverbial cross for their own self-gratification, they might just look a little less silly. And in fact, they might even be seen as being useful. Hah! That would be a first. At least that’s how it seems to me from up here on the top shelf.

 

Just sayin’. 

    

 

 

The Head-In-Sand Syndrome

The Head-In-Sand Syndrome

 

I was watching the American political debate the other night (for lack of something else to do). Quite surprisingly, I learned something new again. Go figure. You know how I’ve described the various political arenas as sandboxes. Usually it’s in the context of its occupants kicking sand in each other’s faces. That’s pretty well the norm in any political arena. But now I see an entirely different use for the ‘sandbox’.

Apparently, if you stick your head in it far enough, you see a whole different view of the world in terms of how you perceive it and it perceives you. The picture down there is an absolutely amazing snapshot. Apparently America is the most powerful country on earth (as it looks from down there in the American sandbox). Not only that, but it also represents peace and prosperity and ‘the American dream’. Well, let’s see how that measures up.

It must be one helluva view down there. “America” according to them is the United States of America. The fact that the second largest (geographical) country in the world which is also located in ‘America’, sits right on top of them escapes their view. And they don’t even remember that they are sitting on top of Mexico, also part of “America”. You’d think they’d remember. They went to war with us way back in1812. We (mainly with the help of Tecumseh) kicked the snot out of them – even burned down their White House. Mind you, I hear rumors that they think they won that war, so maybe they think that Canada belongs to the United States, or maybe it’s just another state. And Mexico, right below them; well Jeez, they fought a few wars with them guys. Remember the Alamo? When it comes right down to it, these ‘American’ folks are nothing more than the ham and cheese in the sandwich known as North America (and I use that analogy advisedly). Oh, and then there’s South America, which is a whole other continent. Ah well, they’re all backwards in South America anyway and they speak them foreign languages over there so they obviously don’t count.

Well, peaceful: The second amendment pretty well takes care of that. By the eighteen sixties, there didn’t seem to be anybody else to boss around, so they went to war with themselves: killed half a million people. That didn’t turn out too good, so they waited for other opportunities and finally went to war with the country of ‘Europe’ during WWI and II. Then they did a police action in Korea, then Vietnam, ad infinitum. Now they’re in a war with a country called ‘The Middle East’. And that other country: ‘Africa’, well they don’t really count for much except them Somalians who keep stealing ships for costly ransom. So much for peace and peaceful.

Prosperity: I think what they’re talking about there is the top one percent of the population – you know – the ones with the big kickbacks and top salaries. The other ninety-nine percent are the ones you make promises to at election time, but that’s only for a short period of time. That’s just one of those nuisances that will go away after the election.

Oh, and the ‘American dream’: Well we can all dream can’t we?

It’s hard to say what kind of sand castles these politicians are building down at the bottom of the sandbox but as self-anointed rulers of the world, they must be pretty fancy. With all that borrowed Chinese money they can afford to be lavish.

But did you ever see what happens to a sand castle if someone steps on it? It’s not a pretty sight. Well, they’ll find out. Or at least that’s how it seems to me from up here on the top shelf.

 

Just sayin’.  

The Bullying Culture

The Bullying Culture

I wasn’t going to talk about bullying, but with all the kafuffle about it going on, I guess I’d better weigh in. Just because it’s now happening in cyberspace doesn’t mean it’s a new phenomenon for heaven’s sake. I was just reading a poem of Robert Service that was written about a hundred years ago addressing the remedy for this very thing. In fact, if you think about it, it’s been going on forever if you look at examples of Hannibal, Genghis Kahn, Alexander the Great and so on. It’s a natural phenomenon. That’s how you get what you want without getting into a physical confrontation.

What we have to get through our heads is the fact that it exists – period. The question is why do these children feel so alone and battered? Don’t they have a family? Don’t they have parents who will teach them and encourage them and comfort them? The answer to that is a pretty well self-evident NO.

Ya, ya, I know. The old guy is bellyachin’ about families again. You darn right I am! Dad is staying with his girlfriend, mom is shacked up with her boyfriend, and the kids are in day care under the supervision of some twenty-year-old worker who hasn’t got a clue about life skills. What sort of stupid family is that? Whatever family values mom and dad might have had at one time have been thrown out the window in exchange with self-gratification. I hear it all the time; ‘Oh the children will adapt.’ Yeah, right. So the children, fragile and unprepared for the pain that is coming their way decide life ain’t worth it and so they off themselves. Who’s to say they’re not better off?

In the meantime parents cry for their dead child who hasn’t had a chance at life yet, they say while the community wrings its hands at such a tragedy, and the do-gooders form all sorts of support groups to deal with the calamity. Well. Where the hell were they when the kid was born. Where the hell were they when the child was growing?

You know, families are not a new phenomenon either. They’ve been around for a long time. It’s just recently that we’ve decided to mess with them – to restructure them and to slough off the responsibilities associated with them. We want all the perks that come with raising a family; i.e. bragging rights, the possibility of grand children, child welfare allowance. But the responsibility of teaching and instilling confidence in the child – well we leave that to someone else; whoever has the expertise in that. That kind of gives us time for our own pursuits.

The child in the meantime comes into this world and looks around at what he or she is in store for. Seeing nothing but nastiness, it says “Who needs this? I’m outa here!” and leaves this miserable world behind. Oh sure, short-term pain, but what is that compared to the long-term pain of parents who are incompetent, or on drugs, or drunk, or just too bloody busy. Think about it. If you’re a little kid all alone seemingly in a world of seven billion nasty people continually putting you down, that’s a pretty scary thought.

We shouldn’t be crying for the child at all. We should instead be mourning the loss of our family values, at our own inadequacy and incompetence. Having done that, we should then get busy and fix it before it is all forgotten and we don’t know how to do it anymore. At least that’s how it seems to me from up here on the top shelf.

 

Just sayin’.

 

p.s. As I was finishing this piece I heard some woman on the T.V. saying that we shouldn’t be too quick to criminalize this sort of behavior because children after all don’t realize what sort of hurt they’re causing. They perhaps do this in a joking way and you don’t want to give them a criminal record for that. Oh no? Oh yes! There have to be consequences and severe ones – instantly! I have no patience for these do-gooders who insist on diluting consequences for malicious acts. Perpetrators are perpetrators – not victims. Get your head on straight woman!

Chickens

                                                                Chickens

A number of years ago I was exploring the streets of Pearl City on the island of Oahu in Hawaii when I came across something I hadn’t seen before. Of course, in Hawaii you see many things that wouldn’t be imagined in wintry Manitoba. A couple of chickens were tethered in the front yard of a residence, strutting and scratching like chickens do. Naive as I was, I thought they were just pet birds. It never occurred to me that they might be fighting cocks. Thinking back on the flaming colors of their plumage, I imagine that’s exactly what they were.

Well that’s not unusual you know. Back when I was a kid, there was all kinds of chickens around within the city limits. Well what with wartime rationing, eggs was a good source of protein. Not only that, but the odd roast chicken on the table wasn’t at all a bad investment. You’d be surprised how much company one of them attracted.

That’s why I was so surprised at the item in the news yesterday that a woman was fighting for the right to keep a couple of chickens in her city yard. What? You now need to go to court to keep a couple of chickens? Can you imagine going into the law courts building with a handful of chicken defending lawyers looking for the chicken room?

“Which way to the chicken prosecutor?”

“Two doors down from homicide, on the left.”

I can’t even imagine a crown prosecutor who would like to be known as someone who might go after chickens for gawd sakes. What I’d like to know is who is the nincompoop who crafted this idiot bylaw. It must have been a slow day at City Hall. Jeez, if they want to go after dangerous birds, let them take on the majestic Canada Geese for leaving their many deposits all over the city as a show of disdain for the bylaws.

What I’d like to see is a complete reversal of the chicken bylaw to require people to keep chickens within city limits if they have the yard space, right along with vegetable gardens. In fact it should be a special requirement of food banks to do this. Chickens are after all the most benevolent friends of mankind. They give their eggs freely for us to enjoy. And when we hang them up by their feet to slit their throats, they just hang there quietly and let us do it. Did you ever see a cow do that, or a pig? Not on your life! And while we’re at it, we can get away from that miserable processing plant in Brooks Alberta that includes a dose of E. coli in its processing.

What’ll they think of next – banning children? No, I think city councilors should focus on fixing streets and cleaning sidewalks in winter rather than sticking their urban noses in things they know nothing about. At least that’s how it seems to me from up here on the top shelf.

 

Just sayin’.

Back to the Future News

Back to the Future News

Journalistic junk! It used to be that journalists reported the news as it happened. That’s why we called it news. We don’t get that anymore. What we get now is anticipated news, in other words, news that hasn’t happened yet but is expected to. For example; last week reporters were all over Justin Trudeau who said he’d announce next Tuesday whether or not he might run for the leadership of the liberal party. In typical Trudeau fashion he told them to just wait. That’s all the reporters wanted was the rumors. It would have been a little disappointing had he succumbed to their pressure. Then there’d be nothing to speculate about. This way though, the news was abuzz with speculation about Trudeau, his potential rivals, even the future of the liberal party. Newsrooms were busy, pundits were busy, even pollsters were busy. Holy Toledo! That’s a big spike in employment on news that hasn’t even happened yet. I guess you might call that making something out of nothing.

Well, and that’s not the only thing there are rumors about. Anywhere from that Omar Kadr kid’s future in Millhaven to his family’s Al Qaeda leanings to the NHL dealings; you name it and they’re speculating about it. It’s apparently not what makes the world go ‘round, but what (may or may not) make the world go ‘round at sometime in the future.

I don’t really think there’s a reporter who can actually report the news when it happens. When somebody sets fire to something or unloads his firearm into somebody’s body, it’s usual for it to be reported by a cub reporter. That’s kid stuff. Leave the what- ifs and the might-bes to the senior staff.

You know come to think of it, that’s probably how we got to where we are. Well just think of it. Remember Dick Tracy’s wrist radio, or Flash Gordon’s super equipment, or even the Batmobile? There you have it. We are what we imagine we are. I wouldn’t be surprised if one day soon we don’t go running around in little coveralls with a club knocking each other down like the Mario Brothers. At least that way, we’ll be getting our exercise.

It’s a sad state of affairs when our evolution over the last century has progressed according to the dictates of comic books. And the journalists, well let’s face it there aren’t any anymore. It’s just as well. Nobody can spell properly anyway. And that snotnose Trudeau was just leading the speculators by the nose. He did indeed announce his candidacy exactly when he said he would. By starting a rumor about a rumor, he drew a big crowd to the hall where he made his announcement and got good press coverage. So I guess there is a use for these speculators after all. It’s almost comic book-like. At least that’s how it seems to me from up here on the top shelf.

 

Just sayin’. 

Quebec Students Protest Again

                                               Quebec Students Protest Again

They got an inch, now they’re going for a mile. Well I think they’ve got a point – sort of. But they’re going after the wrong people – sort of. The thing is that the legislation is all wrong, not only in Quebec, but everywhere. It should be updated all across the country. I agree with the students that they should not have to pay to provide employers with the talent they need to run their companies. At the same time I do not agree that students should be able to take some artsie-fartsie program that leads nowhere other than to teach the same course to others for free, or to be able to go to university on daddy’s dime as a professional student.

What I do agree with is that governments should put an education tax upon employers to provide for such education according to industry’s needs as part of their business license. This would soon establish a substantial college fund on which students may borrow to pay for their tuition. Once a degree or diploma has been achieved and the student is hired on by industry, the industry buys up the student’s loans, and the student is free and clear of any debt. The investment then is that of industry. That’s just as it should be. If students on the other hand don’t obtain their degrees or diplomas or are not hired on by industry – well – tough titty. They’re on their own dime.

If you think that this wouldn’t lay out a whole new dynamic for students and studies as well as industry and commerce, think again. And the legislatures would finally be able to do what their name implies – that is – legislate. Universities and colleges would offer courses as dictated by industry and commerce as opposed to some wing-ding idea coming out of some intellectual’s academic imagination. That will finally give some useful purpose to these institutions of higher learning.

I know universities have long had the reputation of being institutions where people can explore intellectual pursuits of every kind and to be able to freely discuss and debate the merits of such pursuits. Well, that might be a laudable hobby, but it’s not sustainable. Anyone wanting to participate in such activities will have to pay for it. Well really, there’s even an alternate solution to that too. I’m sure the universities could put up brown paper bag dispensers. That way students with that passion for the search for knowledge can put some coin into the machine, take the bag into a corner, stick their heads into them and meditate. That’s cash and carry intelligence. At least that’s how it seems to me from up here on the top shelf.

 

Just sayin’.

Speed Bumps

Well, we like our speed don’t we? Mayor Katz set off another bomb the other day saying that the city was thinking of looking into reducing speed limits in town. The response on facebook was like static machine gun fire. I just happened to mention what speeds were like in the not too distant past and immediately got dumped on from all quarters. Holy regulation Batman! Touchy, touchy, touchy. As it is, nobody follows speed limits anyway. There’s that stupid ten km. leeway in the speed limit that leaves me wondering where the slow lane is anyway. Jeez, a couple of years ago some Alberta redneck was speeding down Henderson Highway, going through an amber light when he was caught on one of them radar cameras. When he saw the flash go off he slammed on his brakes, backed up his pickup truck, took a rifle down from the gun rack behind the seat and shot the damned camera. Satisfied, he drove off. Needless to say, Winnipeg’s finest had a chat with him later about the incident ( having his license number on camera).

Well, that notwithstanding, it seems to reflect the general attitude of drivers. One gets the idea that when they’re in their vehicle they feel like they’re in their own living room and can’t be told what to do. So they text, talk on the phone, eat their breakfasts, read books. You name it and somebody will be doing it. Well everything that is except driving. I want to know whatever happened to paying attention to the road. Cripes, did you ever notice the number of drivers flying through stop signs in residential districts? Last time I looked at those red signs on the corners, they said STOP. I’ve never seen one that says GO FOR IT.

A couple of winters ago my lovely white Hyundai Sonata got Tee-boned by a woman who came screaming out her car saying she had to get to the dentist for a surgery, basically blaming me for being in her road and driving a white car in the snow. She never mentioned that she was required to yield the right-of way though, just that she would be late getting to the dentist. I could quote you chapter and verse about people I know that have had similar experiences, usually ending up in a write off of the vehicles involved.

I’ll tell you what. Multi tasking behind the wheel of a car ain’t such a good idea. It might be if you considered that driving the blamed vehicle was the primary task. Forty and fifty clicks per hour ain’t such a bad speed. It’s actually quite comfortable until you get them cowboys climbing up your tail. The only thing you have to do is to leave wherever on time to get to the other wherever on time, or at all. At least that’s how it seems to me from up here on the top shelf.

Just sayin’.